i grew something.

dad and i have a a tradition when he comes for a visit.

(1) he buys me a beautiful plant.

(2) i kill it.

not on purpose, mind you. just bc i cannot grow things. especially when they come with obscure names and/or instructions. like "keep damp in moderate light". what the heck does that mean? sounds like instructions for growing a southerner --- not a plant.

there is also this lil thing that has plagued me all my life. i despise being told what to do. even if it means banging my own head against the wall to figure out for my own self that yes, indeed it does hurt. my lifes experiences have not been unique. i could have avoided some lessons had i simply taken kind advice given along the way --- but that is not my personal choice. i forge ahead thinking i will indeed make "it" work.

but things do change. sometimes miracles do happen. occasionally even a brown thumb gets lucky. and like cj quoted, "to get something you never had, you have to do something you never did."

i am learning to let go of old patterns. habits. tendencies. that just bc something is my reality it does not necessarily make it true. sometimes success can be easier attained by chosing well-trod paths, even if you think you MIGHT have a better way. like plant instructions, sometimes if you just follow along with what someone else has proven to work -- you get better results.

keep damp in moderate light. brilliant. why didn't i think of that?