hokey pokey

{editor’s note: i found this in the draft files. its old.}

you put your left foot in

you take your left foot out

you put your left foot in and you shake it all about

you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around 

thats what its all about

i hated doing the hokey pokey

despised it

really didnt like roller rinks much either

a couple of laps around the rink and i was done with it.

there wasnt a point. or there was and i just missed it. i mean the dryer has a spincycle too --- but when its done your clothes are clean, dry and ready to be worn. [note: i also hate ironing]

went to a rink and didn't skate once... with my racy slutty friend wendy [not to be confused with my sweet and innocent friend wendy -- yes, i had my own oz characters one summer in the 80s] who was hooking up with a senior only to disguise that fact that her freshman figure was in a full-blown affair with her high schools married football coach. but then again, what else was there for a cute girl to do in a hot louisiana small town besides root around with her teachers, right?

back to the rink. the kids gathered there under the guise of it being the normal wholesome thing to do. parents didn't ask too many questions since most of them probably went to the rink in the days when thats where people skated. but NO ONE skated. they walked. in circles. for hours. stopping occasionally to make out in darkened corners. you walked and circled the SAME PEOPLE over and over and over. and the conversation never really changed --- neither did the scenery. no couple skate. no hokey pokey. mindless laps of skating. and it angered me even more than any other trip to the rink had ever done.

i was the kind of kid that didnt sneak. and not bc i was some angel. it was bc if i was going to do something i was going to own that i did it. come hell or high water. its what always got me in trouble as a kid. i wouldn't lie. i chose a course and stuck it out.  if someone could not explain to me the logic of their course of action they could just as soon shut up and move aside.

so the rink angered me.

bc the kids were lying. the parents were dumb. and no one was really using any of the resources at hand to their utmost capacity.

there is nothing more sad in life than waste. wasted potential. wasted innocence. wasted opportunity. wasted genius. gifted things that are shunned, ignored and trashed without remorse. decisions made with disregard for their impact. and usually the only ones to mourn their loss are the rubberneckers and standersby. those on the fringe of the wasteland.

my office is a recycling mecca. nothing gets "trashed" there. its all recycled. there are bins for paper, plastic, foil. aluminum cans, batteries, CDs, cardboard, rattan chair bottoms. there are places for everything to go. and if you don't find a bin, ask the 'recycle coordinator'. not kidding. we have one. there is literally ONE single trashcan [outside of those in the restrooms] ONE. its clearly marked "LANDFILL". just in case you missed the point. somehow. as if.

working there has served three purposes: (1) to induce severe shock at how wasteful i have always been. (2) silent, repetitive apologies to my sister for always silently and repetitively mocking her recycling efforts, and (3) the start of a personal recycling program. thats right folks. the roomie and i have an inhouse green program. 4 bins strong. our own personal purgatory for trash on its way to reincarnation. [so what if i am mixing religions. interfaith chapel anyone?] and we managed to pillage a days worth of retail this weekend and come home without a single bag. and it wasn't bc purchases weren't made.

its got me to thinking about the skating rink. cycles. and REcycles. and waste. and lies. and reuse. maybe the rinks mindless laps, whether walking or rolling, were THE point. just bc its  current use wasnt its original intention doesnt make it some how subpar. buncha kids hanging out just to hang out. and make out. yeah, i know. for all my scoffing and sneering --- this metropolis of treehuggers and 'sustainable design' and "use only what you need" mantras by the water department, really does shine beautifully head and shoulders above any other place i have lived. the process of being mindful of your individual imprint does seem to run rampant in attitudes around here. there's a respect for the once and future purposes of people and things.

there are recycled people in my life. lovers and friends that once were dearer or closer than they are now. but that doesn't make the relationship any less valuable. or subpar. we've mutely agreed that the spark that brought us together is still worth respecting. i count several exs among the relationships i hold most dear. bc they knew me 'before'. when i was a different version of me and they were different versions of them.

and as you get older [gasp!] you realize this planet is a very small world. and cherishing and respecting people is simply the best route to go. its less wasteful. its good karma. bc just around the next corner might be the 7th-layer-to-kevin-bacon and you'll find yourself surrounded by ghosts of people/places past. recycled/recircled/rerinked into the very things you thought you left behind.

just dont try to get me to believe that the hokey pokey IS what its all about.

pacing myself

i am a sloooooow runner. 9 to 10 min/mile is my limit. he is a non-runner. he being my hubby and he also being the guy that was supposed to co-run a 10k the day after my birthday. he’s been running for the first time ---ever---in preparation for it. it was going to be one of our wedded “firsts”. he bailed. on the morning of.

taken on its face it could have been reason to be upset. i mean it was a promise. and it was my birthday (ok, day after) AND he really just didnt feel like it. not that he was bleeding or injured, just really not up to it. we werent planning a huge show-down. we had agreed that it would be a walk-run so that it was enjoyable for both of us and so that i could get him to agree to do it again in the future.

so i could have been upset.

but there were a couple of factors that worked in our favor. (1) i adore him (2) he was on his feet for 2 days cooking and prepping for (3) throwing me, AND my brother, the best birthday party ever, (4) i know beyond a single creeping doubt that he would walk through fire to make me happy, and (5) my brother stepped in as proxy.

my brother is also not a runner. or i should say is no longer a runner. he used to be a triathlete. used to run, bike, swim and endure without a care. then his back gave out and he has been reduced to finding ways to cope. a simple game of corn-hole (if you dont know, its funny just to say it out loud) can incapacitate him for weeks. so he should have been the least likely candidate to run a 10k with me the day after my birthday. bc of those factors and because he has not been practicing. at all.

but he did. and so we did. 

and i learned another lesson.

i can be even a slower runner. i ran/walked the entire course while chatting and holding hands with my little brother is a pace i loved to keep. had i demanded that my hubby keep his promises, i would have missed it.

pacing myself. in life. in love. and in really appreciating that the best miles/minute records are not necessarily of the speedy kind.

drivetime.

If you ever want to really get to know someone, the saying goes, marry them. I think a better option might be to force new couples to take a cross country road trip together. You find out a lot about each other when soft lighting and sweet gestures make way for road-breath, hypercaffeination and knee-munching legroom.

Bradley had to literally pick me up and, not so literally, drag me kicking and screaming across country before we got hitched in september. We had such a blast... We are taking an abbreviated version this week.

Viva la michigan! Viva la Brooke! And viva la finding the right road partner for life!

i grew something.

dad and i have a a tradition when he comes for a visit.

(1) he buys me a beautiful plant.

(2) i kill it.

not on purpose, mind you. just bc i cannot grow things. especially when they come with obscure names and/or instructions. like "keep damp in moderate light". what the heck does that mean? sounds like instructions for growing a southerner --- not a plant.

there is also this lil thing that has plagued me all my life. i despise being told what to do. even if it means banging my own head against the wall to figure out for my own self that yes, indeed it does hurt. my lifes experiences have not been unique. i could have avoided some lessons had i simply taken kind advice given along the way --- but that is not my personal choice. i forge ahead thinking i will indeed make "it" work.

but things do change. sometimes miracles do happen. occasionally even a brown thumb gets lucky. and like cj quoted, "to get something you never had, you have to do something you never did."

i am learning to let go of old patterns. habits. tendencies. that just bc something is my reality it does not necessarily make it true. sometimes success can be easier attained by chosing well-trod paths, even if you think you MIGHT have a better way. like plant instructions, sometimes if you just follow along with what someone else has proven to work -- you get better results.

keep damp in moderate light. brilliant. why didn't i think of that?

lost arts.

when you witness strange talents, doesnt it make you sad for their passing?

do over!

miracles do happen. especially if you are tenacious enough to grab them by the balls and make them pay attention to you.

i have been estranged from one of my dearest friends for over a year. its easier to ignore someone when they are 1800 miles away.

not so much when they are sitting in your lap.

that looks all well and good and perhaps she was just putting a game face on --- i know, i know, but then again i also know dee. and despite the capturing of the moments before THAT shot revealed a truer picture of the situation.....

i also know that despite anything and everything -- she and i are bound for life.

viva la 2009! viva la burial of old wounds and ridiculous line-drawing. lets get back to getting. xox.

family is as family does.

thank gawd for those souls that remind us that as much as we think we may have changed and differ --- at our core we are still very much the same.

viva 2009!