i grew something.

dad and i have a a tradition when he comes for a visit.

(1) he buys me a beautiful plant.

(2) i kill it.

not on purpose, mind you. just bc i cannot grow things. especially when they come with obscure names and/or instructions. like "keep damp in moderate light". what the heck does that mean? sounds like instructions for growing a southerner --- not a plant.

there is also this lil thing that has plagued me all my life. i despise being told what to do. even if it means banging my own head against the wall to figure out for my own self that yes, indeed it does hurt. my lifes experiences have not been unique. i could have avoided some lessons had i simply taken kind advice given along the way --- but that is not my personal choice. i forge ahead thinking i will indeed make "it" work.

but things do change. sometimes miracles do happen. occasionally even a brown thumb gets lucky. and like cj quoted, "to get something you never had, you have to do something you never did."

i am learning to let go of old patterns. habits. tendencies. that just bc something is my reality it does not necessarily make it true. sometimes success can be easier attained by chosing well-trod paths, even if you think you MIGHT have a better way. like plant instructions, sometimes if you just follow along with what someone else has proven to work -- you get better results.

keep damp in moderate light. brilliant. why didn't i think of that?

lost arts.

when you witness strange talents, doesnt it make you sad for their passing?

do over!

miracles do happen. especially if you are tenacious enough to grab them by the balls and make them pay attention to you.

i have been estranged from one of my dearest friends for over a year. its easier to ignore someone when they are 1800 miles away.

not so much when they are sitting in your lap.

that looks all well and good and perhaps she was just putting a game face on --- i know, i know, but then again i also know dee. and despite the capturing of the moments before THAT shot revealed a truer picture of the situation.....

i also know that despite anything and everything -- she and i are bound for life.

viva la 2009! viva la burial of old wounds and ridiculous line-drawing. lets get back to getting. xox.

family is as family does.

thank gawd for those souls that remind us that as much as we think we may have changed and differ --- at our core we are still very much the same.

viva 2009!