no point to this.

she is petite. mouthy. stylish. gorgeous. hilarious. loving. brilliant.
she is also bitter. angry. bitchy. bitter. bitter. bitter.

right now she is snarling at any and all things near her and its hard not to take it personally. but its not personal. never has been. life has beaten her black and blue with a barrage of lemons and she has never had a taste for lemonade.

she gave up her life/home/career once to chase a dream guy that turned out to be too much "that guy" and not enough dream. turns out he was wooing someone else while sharing her housespace and her bed.
rescued from that dizzy fall by Mr. Perfect and a fairytale romance straight off of the pages of Harlequin Romance. all of us were fooled. there wasnt a single wait-a-minute from anyyyyone. they celebrated their one year of dating anniversary AFTER they were married. yes, that kinda whirlwind. and the temp never stopped. fabulous honeymoon. fabulous anniversary. fabulous kick-off of his dream job catering business headed towards full-on restaurant fame and fortune. fabulous first home together. fabulous first furniture together. she lost her job. he moved out. what?! yes, he was gone and never looked back.

not a country song. not yet. losing your job. your man. your home. SOUNDS like a country song. but she still had the dog. the stable force in her life at this point. he got kinda depressed too. there were lotsa moves and changes in his life too. he dropped a few pounds. laid around and didnt want to play.

you would think that a reprieve would have been in order. that her birthday could have been celebrated as a dividing line between that-was-then and a this-is-now breather.

but the lemons werent finished.

the dog was still there so the country song wasnt complete. she took him to the vet for a check-up on her birthday and for her care and concern was rewarded with a terminal cancer surprise.

as if her year had not been crapped out enough.

f*ck lemonade.

hokey pokey

{editor’s note: i found this in the draft files. its old.}

you put your left foot in

you take your left foot out

you put your left foot in and you shake it all about

you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around 

thats what its all about

i hated doing the hokey pokey

despised it

really didnt like roller rinks much either

a couple of laps around the rink and i was done with it.

there wasnt a point. or there was and i just missed it. i mean the dryer has a spincycle too --- but when its done your clothes are clean, dry and ready to be worn. [note: i also hate ironing]

went to a rink and didn't skate once... with my racy slutty friend wendy [not to be confused with my sweet and innocent friend wendy -- yes, i had my own oz characters one summer in the 80s] who was hooking up with a senior only to disguise that fact that her freshman figure was in a full-blown affair with her high schools married football coach. but then again, what else was there for a cute girl to do in a hot louisiana small town besides root around with her teachers, right?

back to the rink. the kids gathered there under the guise of it being the normal wholesome thing to do. parents didn't ask too many questions since most of them probably went to the rink in the days when thats where people skated. but NO ONE skated. they walked. in circles. for hours. stopping occasionally to make out in darkened corners. you walked and circled the SAME PEOPLE over and over and over. and the conversation never really changed --- neither did the scenery. no couple skate. no hokey pokey. mindless laps of skating. and it angered me even more than any other trip to the rink had ever done.

i was the kind of kid that didnt sneak. and not bc i was some angel. it was bc if i was going to do something i was going to own that i did it. come hell or high water. its what always got me in trouble as a kid. i wouldn't lie. i chose a course and stuck it out.  if someone could not explain to me the logic of their course of action they could just as soon shut up and move aside.

so the rink angered me.

bc the kids were lying. the parents were dumb. and no one was really using any of the resources at hand to their utmost capacity.

there is nothing more sad in life than waste. wasted potential. wasted innocence. wasted opportunity. wasted genius. gifted things that are shunned, ignored and trashed without remorse. decisions made with disregard for their impact. and usually the only ones to mourn their loss are the rubberneckers and standersby. those on the fringe of the wasteland.

my office is a recycling mecca. nothing gets "trashed" there. its all recycled. there are bins for paper, plastic, foil. aluminum cans, batteries, CDs, cardboard, rattan chair bottoms. there are places for everything to go. and if you don't find a bin, ask the 'recycle coordinator'. not kidding. we have one. there is literally ONE single trashcan [outside of those in the restrooms] ONE. its clearly marked "LANDFILL". just in case you missed the point. somehow. as if.

working there has served three purposes: (1) to induce severe shock at how wasteful i have always been. (2) silent, repetitive apologies to my sister for always silently and repetitively mocking her recycling efforts, and (3) the start of a personal recycling program. thats right folks. the roomie and i have an inhouse green program. 4 bins strong. our own personal purgatory for trash on its way to reincarnation. [so what if i am mixing religions. interfaith chapel anyone?] and we managed to pillage a days worth of retail this weekend and come home without a single bag. and it wasn't bc purchases weren't made.

its got me to thinking about the skating rink. cycles. and REcycles. and waste. and lies. and reuse. maybe the rinks mindless laps, whether walking or rolling, were THE point. just bc its  current use wasnt its original intention doesnt make it some how subpar. buncha kids hanging out just to hang out. and make out. yeah, i know. for all my scoffing and sneering --- this metropolis of treehuggers and 'sustainable design' and "use only what you need" mantras by the water department, really does shine beautifully head and shoulders above any other place i have lived. the process of being mindful of your individual imprint does seem to run rampant in attitudes around here. there's a respect for the once and future purposes of people and things.

there are recycled people in my life. lovers and friends that once were dearer or closer than they are now. but that doesn't make the relationship any less valuable. or subpar. we've mutely agreed that the spark that brought us together is still worth respecting. i count several exs among the relationships i hold most dear. bc they knew me 'before'. when i was a different version of me and they were different versions of them.

and as you get older [gasp!] you realize this planet is a very small world. and cherishing and respecting people is simply the best route to go. its less wasteful. its good karma. bc just around the next corner might be the 7th-layer-to-kevin-bacon and you'll find yourself surrounded by ghosts of people/places past. recycled/recircled/rerinked into the very things you thought you left behind.

just dont try to get me to believe that the hokey pokey IS what its all about.