so mad

how do you tell yourself to manage? when pictures of happy healthy families on commercials, on billboards, advertisements, blogs ---- they all make you furious. sudden, fierce, fireblasts of pure fury. sweeping in hard and fast and overwhelming and you fight so hard to push it down. quick. quick. stuff the monster back into the dark hole it swept out of. push and shove. then grit your teeth together and twist the lid on tight. you think its tight... but somehow the triggers bring it back every time. never stronger. never weaker. the same unbidden and unabated fervor of unadulterated fury.

where do i go with this? where do i find the why? for once my i cant find it. cant find the silver lining.

so worried about my babies. and what my emotional graveyard could do to them.